WHAT??? Are you even kidding me - my last post was January 2009??? If there is anyone out there who actually came to our blog site to see what was up - I'm really sorry. I think it's safe to say that I dropped the blogging ball in a BIG way! I will not make any promises, but if you will check back periodically, you might find out something about what we are doing/thinking.
So, what have we been up to? How much time do we have??? I'll start with today and work my way backwards...
Yesterday we had our Ray Family gathering, and I received a book from my secret Santa. It's called "Bittersweet", written by Shauna Niequist. I must be honest, the cover is very attractive, but the thought of another christian self-help book was not (sorry, Holly!) So, I was looking for some time alone this afternoon, and I took it with me to the coffee shop. It took two chapters for me to look for this woman's phone number so I could text her for a date! She's in a completely different stage of life than me, but I am diggin' the way she thinks. One chapter challenged me particularly: "Things I don't do". Short back-story: the book is not an ongoing sermon about stuff, but rather a series of short "stories" from her personal life-lessons and observations. In this chapter, Niequiest remembers some good advice from an older friend: "It's not hard to decide what you want your life to be about. What's hard is figuring out what you're willing to give up in order to do the things you really care about." (I'll let that sink in for a minute)
So, when Starbucks got too distracting (when you have adult-onset ADD, that means 3 people or more), I decided to come home and make my lists. Here's what I have so far:
Things I do
Love my family (I'm such a list-maker that I followed this with about 25 specifics)
Cultivate fellowship (okay, I admit now that I need time with friends)
Take care of myself (spiritually, physically, mentally, socially)
Stand up for what I believe - this makes me want to elaborate...I'm not exactly talking about matters of faith here, although if it's called for I think I am much more comfortable with what I believe than I once was. What I'm thinking about here are the dozens of things that I live with every day that I have compromised on - against my better judgement, and just for the sake of peace. For instance, dogs should not pee and poop in the garage or on the driveway. I have been entirely too lenient about that, just because I don't want to impose on the child who begged to adopt this dog and promised to take care of her every need (okay...I'm not that compassionate -I hate the complaining when I ask the child to take the dog out to go potty). Another, more serious example: I have always felt guilty about how much TV our kids watch. I felt horribly guilty that I didn't do more than roll my eyes when John suggested a game system when Joe was 5 years old - and now look where we are! I think we have every single gaming system except the Playstation 3. If I had a dime for every grumpy day I've had as a result of kids who don't do what they are asked because they are in a video game-induced stupor, I'd be able to take a vacation by myself whenever I wanted to! I firmly believe that this is not a healthy way to live - why haven't I stood up for that belief? Answer: Because I'm a wimp! To quote Jean-luc Picard in one of the Star Trek movies "The line must be drawn heaahh!!"
Back to the list -
Things I don't do (for now)
Scrapbook
Garden (sad face, but I'll get there one day)
group bible study
cook every night (however, I do aspire to get us around the table as often as possible)
be a PTA (O?) member
**take responsibility for others' choices
**make people happy
Oops...I feel more elaboration coming on. These last two items seemed to flow out of the pen on their own, as if the message was coming to me rather than from me. I have realized through parenting our first two teenagers (especially the first one!) that at some point, we have to cauterize the mechanism that wants to let our children's actions reflect poorly on us. It is one of the hardest things to do, but choosing to think about your child's needs above your own reputation is an experience that calls for a shoulders-back-chin-out mindset. It can also leave you feeling lonely when others around you don't understand your child or your parenting experience. It's sad that we tend to be people of awkward neglect rather than awkward (helpful, supportive) involvement. Maybe parenting wouldn't be so lonely and difficult then.
I have also decided today that I will no longer try to make people happy. I finally concede that I cannot. (sigh...that was hard) (Excuse me for a minute...I have to sing along to "Mandy") Okay, I'm back. Can we all just agree that trying to make each other happy is futile, and impossible, and exhausting? Instead, how about I work on filling up my own emotional tank myself so you don't have to (hint: I've found the most reliable source here is my Creator - he's really good at it!) Anyway, then I won't be so preoccupied with why you aren't making me happy, and I might actually notice what you are going through, and discover ways to love and serve you? I'm going to try that for awhile. I'll let you know how it's going...and I'll probably add to the lists too!